Light Escapes

For several days I have found it impossible to capture the light.

Before sunrise, as the beagles happily disrupt the neighborhood with their hopeful howling  (whatever is upwind for them every morning never gets any older for them than does the thrill of having the same old thing for every meal), I see vivid, wavering lines of yellow which I cannot seem to replicate in a photograph.

At sunset I see streaks of bright pink at peach and try, but fail, to capture them with the camera Jim gave me.  I know he could have done better.

And in between, during daylight, the sky has shifted wildly, cleaved between storm and  sunshine, winter and spring.

Over the same period my dreams have shifted.  They are always about Jim, but for the first time I have had dreams in which Jim is not sick, has not yet been diagnosed.

For well over a year, since his diagnosis, I never had a dream in which my subconscious was not acutely aware that Jim was sick.

The scenes in these recent dreams are of things I can never recapture other than in my own mind.

These dreams are so stunningly ordinary as to be extraordinary, and they bring me some peace: we are sitting with the children laughing and watching a movie, going to a band event, walking in the woods, even swatting at the zombie-like mosquitoes which sometimes mysteriously appear inside our house even in deep winter in New Hampshire (and tended to escape above the reach of a five-two person but within the leaping reach of my six-four spouse).   Before dawn one day I trudged around the yard cleaning up after our dogs, among the endless tasks which have fallen to me alone.  But in my dreams that night, Jim and I were cleaning up together.

These dreams bring back, if briefly,  the family life in which I know Jim would want our memories to dwell.

(c)2012 Stephanie M. Glennon

About Stephanie

In her spare time, Stephanie works full-time, and then some, as an attorney. She has published articles and delivered talks in arcane fields like evidentiary issues, jury instructions, expert witnesses, and forensic evidence. She also is an adjunct professor at a law school on the banks of the Charles and loves that dirty water, as she will always think of Boston as her home. You are welcome to take a look at her Facebook author page, or follow @SMartinGlennon on Twitter. All content on this blog, unless otherwise attributed, is (c) 2012-2016 by Stephanie M. Glennon and should not be reproduced (in any form other than re-blogging in accordance with Wordpress protocol and the numerous other wee buttons at the bottom of each post) without the express permission of the domain holder.
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3 Responses to Light Escapes

  1. Deb Cresta says:

    Yes everything has changed. Thank your for sharing your journey.

  2. Irishgirl says:

    Experiment with shutter speeds and the aperture to get the correct exposure for your photos. If that means nothing to you, let me know what type of camera you have and I will do a little research for you.

    I’m glad to hear that you are now having ordinary dreams. And as Deb said above…thank you for sharing your journey.

    Hugs

  3. Pingback: Deep Greens and Blues | Live-Blogging Love and Loss

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