Oh Dark Thirty

I plan to dine with ghosts again tonight.

Today would have been, and I suppose still is, another Anniversary of Significance.

That day, a Saturday, set a high-temperature record in Boston at the moment our wedding ceremony began. It was only 99 degrees then.

Today, there is melancholy rain, and tornado warnings in Middlesex County. Since then, on the other side of the world and in temperatures in the mid 120s, my footwear has come close to being entombed in melting streets.

That day we were students. You remained a student all your life, not just up-to-date but creatively forward-thinking. You were considering going back for another degree when you were diagnosed. While you were devoted to helping and healing, my work made me a student of the immeasurable harm people intentionally inflict on others.

Today I’m still trying hard to learn new things. Our children continue to point me in the right directions and educate me. Pure mathematics and theoretical physics, spillover viruses, computer engineering. Books and languages and art and endless music. Kindness and attention to all living creatures.

That day you were at my side. Even today, I cannot wrap my mind around the thought you would not always be.

You were an optimist when I had no hope.

You could see light at oh dark thirty.